The Battle of The Fans: Chapter 1 Cripples,Bastards and Broken Friends
by Walter Bryan Cranston White
Summary: Chapter 1 of the thrilling trilogy of the battle between people who loved the Game of Thrones finale and those who hated it


The House of McCormick

The armies of Princess Kenny McCormick were preparing for a battle that just might end their destructive conflict, between friends and families

Princess McCormick was sitting on her throne watching her/his grand army prepare for battle with High Jew Elf Kyle Broflovski by her/his side

Kyle: This army looks strong my lady

Kenny: The Grand Wizard may have a bigger army, but we have a secret weapon

And that secret weapon was Timmy dressed as a dragon

Kenny: Can you see anything all mighty dragon?

Timmy: TIMMAY!

Stuart (Kenny's Dad) enters the back garden

Stuart: Kenny, what you doing?

Kenny: I'm preparing for battle father, against the Grand Wizard and his army of those who hate the Game of Thrones finale

Stuart: Well ok than. Wait you liked The Game of Thrones finale

Kenny: Yeah

Stuart: No Son or Daughter of mine is gonna like The Game of Thrones finale and get away with it!

Kyle: Jesus what's the big deal? So what if your son likes the Game of Thrones finale?

Stuart: So what? It was the worst thing I've seen on television since the last episode of Lost

Kenny: Father if that is the way you're gonna treat me, than you can join the Grand Wizard and his army

Stuart: If I do, will there be any free beer?

Kenny: No I don't think so

Stuart: Dammit. Well I'm gonna watch TV and drink 6 bottles of beer to wipe the memory of my son actually enjoying the finale

Stuart slammed the door

Jimmy: Wow! He s-s-sounds p-p-p-p-pissed off

Filmore Anderson: You're telling me

Kenny: My Dad never got over the Game of Thrones finale. He thinks it's the worst thing on television he's seen

Kyle: I can tell

Kenny: But that's not important right now. Right now we have to kill The Grand Wizard

Kupa Keep

The Grand Wizard Eric Cartman was sitting on his throne with his paladin (Butters) by his side

Cartman: Look at them Butters. Preparing for battle

Butters: We have some very mighty warriors my master

Cartman: Quite mighty indeed. Although I don't feel like we're strong enough

Butters: Is it because of the barbarian?

The barbarian (Tweek) was shaking

Tweek: Carrying an axe is too much pressure AAAAHHHHH!

Cartman: No! Barbarians are dangerous and ravages. He's a fine warrior despite his nervousness. You're doing well Tweek

Tweek: I am?

Cartman: Yes. (Whispers) He's not

Butters: What do you suggest we do about making our army stronger?

Cartman: I don't know. You know this group is like a Game of Thrones tribute. You know what it's missing?

Butters: Blood?

Cartman: No they'll be plenty of blood on the battlefield

Butters: Dragons?

Cartman: No. Because wizards are more powerful than dragons

Butters: A pointless cameo by a famous pop star?

Cartman: Butters what you suggested is the gayest thing I've ever heard

Butters: It would be too distracting. We could win

Cartman: No. The thing we are missing is, boobs

Butters: Boobs?

Cartman: SSSSHHHHHHHH

Butters (Whispers): Boobs

Cartman: Yes. We could use females in our group. Because I'm pretty sure girls watch Game of Thrones as well

Butters: But doesn't it just show women's boobies all the time

Cartman: And don't forget Men's dongs

Butters: Oh yeah

Butters makes a cringing noise

Cartman: We just need to find the right group of girls that hate the finale. Clyde do you have any suggestions where there might be any females who hate the Game of Thrones finale?

Clyde: The Raisin Brothel probably

Cartman: Anywhere but the Raisin Brothel Clyde?

Clyde: No. Just the Raisin brothel

Cartman: Fuck

Butters: We could go ask the girls. I heard a lot of them were into fantasy

Cartman: The only fantasy they are interested in is ones about princesses and handsome princes

PC Principal: Eric Cartman that is a stereotype that is usually associated to females and you know it

PC Principal was standing in Eric's backyard with two PC babies in his hands

Eric Cartman: I'm sorry PC Principal and what brings you to Kupa Keep?

PC Principal: I just came here to drop Emory and Harper here for a little while. They and their siblings have been split on The Game of Thrones finale and have been fighting a lot and-

Craig: Wait. You just let premature babies watch Game of Thrones. What kind of a Dad are you?

PC Principal: I am not their father Craig

Emory and Harper look at their Dad with tears in their eyes

PC Principal notices

PC Principal: Can somebody please get them equipped or something?

Cartman: Yes our weapons designer Jason shall get them equipped

Jason: Hand them over

PC Principal hands the PC Babies over

PC Principal: You will take care of them won't you?

Cartman: Don't you worry the Strong Woman's children will be fine

Craig: But he's the father

Cartman: Don't just assume Craig. It's wrong

Craig: Are you all stupid or something? He's been spending too much time with Strong Woman and goes to her house everyday after school and the babies are PC and have sunglasses on their faces. Am I the only one who sees all of you as a bunch of retards?!

The babies start crying

PC Principal: Mr Tucker that's gonna be two weeks detention for you on Monday!

Craig: Fuck you PC Principal

PC Principal: Alright four weeks

Craig: Yes sir

Cartman: PC Principal if you wanna stay close to the children would you care to join our army?

PC Principal: I'm not really a Game of Thrones person. I personally think that it's show made only to needlessly sexualise the women of today's society

Cartman: Ok. You go ahead and have a nice day

Butters: But the girls what about them?

Cartman: We shall send few of our soldiers. Token! Clyde!

Token and Clyde both took a knee

Cartman: I am sending both of you to try and recruit as many girls as you can to our army

Clyde: May we go to the Raisin Brothel?

Cartman: No. We will not have those sluts a part of our army!

The babies start crying

Cartman: Can somebody shut them up?

Jason: I got it

Cartman: Now. Try and recruit the girls. And try and murder any who don't like Game of Thrones

Testaburger residence

Wendy was sitting on her bed on her phone looking at Stan's Instagram page and liking his posts

Wendy suddenly heard the sound of a horn being played

Wendy opened her window seeing, Nichole, Annie and Bebe wearing their warrior outfits

Wendy: What's going on girls?

Bebe: We were travelling to the House of Lady McCormick to fight for the people who loved the Game of Thrones finale. Would you care to accompany us?

Wendy: Why the fuck are you speaking like that?

Bebe: Sorry. Should I stop?

Wendy nods her head

Nichole: But would you join us?

Wendy: I'd love to but, I don't like Game of Thrones

Annie: What?

Wendy: I don't like Game of Thrones

Bebe: Why?

Wendy: Because there's no story to it, all it does is needlessly sexualise women

PC Principal walks past Annie, Nichole and Bebe

PC Principal: Well said Testaburger

Wendy: Thanks PC Principal

Bebe: But it's got dongs

Wendy: So?

Annie: It appeals to both men and women

Wendy: Look just because something has nudity in it doesn't make it good

Nichole: It has a 9.4 rating on IMDB

Wendy: The users only gave it that rating because of the nudity

Bebe: Wait doesn't Stan watch Game of Thrones?

Wendy: He does. I'd sometimes watch it with him but I'd rather go back to watching Star Trek with him than anything else

Bebe: Well you're screwed Wendy

Wendy: Why?

Nichole: Because The Grand Wizard's army is approaching and they are die hard Game of Thrones fans

Nichole, Annie and Bebe set off for the House of McCormick

Wendy: What the fuck?

Meanwhile at the House of McCormick

Kyle: My fellow armies. Our lady has something to say

Kenny: Word from a certain source is saying that there is a spy among us and will betray us when the time is right

Michael (Tall goth): Who was the source?

Kenny: Our fellow messenger Scott Malkinson caught Token and Clyde discussing about the spy among us, but he was caught and they forced fed him apple juice on the orders of the Grand Wizard. If it weren't for our new members, Nichole, Annie and Bebe giving him his insolent, than he would've been dead. And until than, no one is allowed to accompany me anywhere until the spy is caught

Everyone starts to give each other dirty looks

Filmore: I bet it was you Ike

Ike: No you

Michael: It was you Pete

Pete (Hair flipping goth): No not me

Mimsy: I bet it was me boss

Nathan punches Mimsey

Nathan: Shut up Mimsy. It wasn't you

Mimsy: How do you know boss?

Nathan: You're too retarded to be a spy

The other PC Babies (Bailey and Riley) start crying

Kevin: Oh look what you to did. You made the babies cry

Kevin picks up the PC Babies and starts rocking them in his arms

Kevin: It's ok. It's ok. He didn't say the word that was said, who's the future?

The PC Babies stop crying

Bebe: I swore there were five babies

Kyle: No. Two of them went to join the Grand Wizard, the other one is at home with their Mom

Bebe: Oh. So I'm assuming that one isn't a Game of Thrones person

Kyle: Seems that way

Kenny: Enough chit chat. The traitor shall and will be caught

Kyle: But how do we find the traitor?

Kenny: I don't know. We'll just have to wait for a while, see what happens

Jimmy: Seems f-f-f-f-fair

Turner residence

Token and Clyde knock on the front door

Heidi answers

Clyde: Hello, lady Heidi of the House of Turner

Heidi: Oh hey Clyde, hey Token

Token: Listen. Do you like Game of Thrones

Heidi: OMG I love Game of Thrones

Token: Do you hate the finale?

Heidi: Well yeah I totally hate it

Clyde: Than gran your warrior suit, we must join the Grand Wizard...

Heidi: Grand Wizard? Is his last name Cartman

Token: Yeah

Heidi slams the door

Clyde: Oh yeah. I forgot she still hates Cartman

Token: I heard a rumour that she has a new boyfriend

Clyde: Really? Who?

Token: It's a rumour Clyde. I doubt it's true

They walk over to the Testaburger residence and knock on the front door

Wendy answered

Clyde: My fair lady Wendy of the house of Testaburger I bring-

Wendy: I'm not joining you guys

Token: Why? Do you like the finale?

Wendy: No

Clyde: Than why won't you join us?

Wendy: Because I don't like Game of Thrones

Token and Clyde stood in shock

Token: What?

Wendy: Guys. The girls warned me about you guys. Listen it's just an opinion it's not the end of the world

Clyde: Could you hold on a second?

Bradley Biggle appeared out of the bushes

Clyde hands Bradley a red envelope

Bradley: Thank you

Clyde: Take that to the Wizard

Bradley: Yes sir

Clyde got his sword out and so did Token

Clyde: Than you must be executed

Wendy: With wooden swords? Really?

Token: They maybe made out of wood but they hurt like hell

Clyde hit Token with his sword

Token: Ow! Clyde! What was that for?!

Clyde: I thought you wanted a demonstration

Token: No I didn't

Clyde: She wasn't taking it seriously

Token: Never mind Clyde. Let's just kick her ass

Wendy started to walk backwards

Wendy: Um guys. Can we just play cool. Token. Come on we dated for a while

Token: Until you dumped me. Because you missed Stan

Wendy: Token, you were the one who broke up with me

Clyde: Dude. You told me she dumped you

Token: Doesn't matter now Clyde

Clyde: Ok we'll discuss this later

They were about to kick Wendy's ass until suddenly the sound of a flute is heard

Clyde and Token turn around to see a figure with a black hood and cloak

Token: Knight Rider

Clyde: Shit dude. He does exist

Knight Rider got his sword out

Clyde: I'm not scared of you. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

The Knight Rider hit Clyde with his sword

Clyde: (Crying) You hit me first, that's not fair

Clyde ran out of the house

Token: Clyde. What the fuck?

The Knight Rider stood still

Token: I'm cool. I'm just leaving. Don't kill me man. Don't kill me

Wendy stood still after what she witnessed

Wendy: Who are you?

The Knight Rider spoke with a rough voice

Knight Rider: You need to come with me now

Wendy: Why?

Knight Rider: That envelope Clyde gave to Elf Bradley is a red envelope. It is like a kiss of death which means you are marked for death

Wendy: Are you for real?

Knight Rider: I know this may sounds ridiculous, but we have to go

Wendy: Fine

House of McCormick

Princess Kenny McCormick sat on her throne

Kenny: lady Wendy was attacked, huh?

Kyle: That's what I heard my lady

Kenny: This is how far these morons go? Just because somebody doesn't like Game of Thrones doesn't make them a bad person

Kyle: There's one more thing. The Knight Rider saved her

Princess Kenny was so shocked she dropped her chalice of Dr Pepper

Kenny: So he does live?

Kyle: And that's not all. There's something I have to show you

Meanwhile

Everyone at the house of McCormick were still discussing who the spy could be

Michael: I bet it was Nathan. He always looks suspicious

Nathan: I like the Game of Thrones finale

Pete: Stop pretending to be retarded we know you aren't

The PC babies start crying again

Kevin: Oh come on guys. Really?

Ike and Filmore go inside the house and into the kitchen

Filmore: You sure you aren't the spy Ike?

Ike: No

Filmore: Oh. Ok. Just had to be sure

Ike suddenly notices Filmore wearing a wristband that said I hate the Game of Thrones finale and stands in shock

Filmore: You noticed the wristband. Poo. I forgot to take it off

Ike was about to warn the others

Until Filmore pretend stabbed Ike

Filmore: No one will now. You'll be pretend dead anyway

Ike collapses

Filmore is about to exit the kitchen when he stopped to take off the wristband

Ike flinched

Filmore: I killed you remember

Ike: No

Filmore: Yes I did. Ike play by the rules. Ok?

Ike flipped Filmore off

Filmore put the wristband on Ike

Meanwhile

Kyle gave Princess Kenny a box

Kyle: Open it. It might shock you though

Kenny opened the box and was shocked to discover what it was

Meanwhile

The Knight Rider and Wendy entered Raisins

Knight Rider: They'll never find us here. This is the last place they'll expect to find a girl

Raisins was a little different, that's because it was fantasy month and every waitress in Raisins was wearing mid evil clothing

Porsche: Greetings. Welcome to Raisins. Table for you and your companion?

Knight Rider: Yes

Porsche: Well follow me brave one

Porsche led Knight Rider and Wendy to their seats

Porsche: One of our waitresses will be with you very soon

Wendy: I'm serious Knight Rider who are you?

Knight Rider: You really wanna know?

Wendy: Of course I wanna fucking know! I have been tormented, threatened and dragged to a very slutty place

Lexus: Well fuck you non traveler

Knight Rider: Very Well

The Knight Rider removed his hood

Wendy was shocked to discover who it was

Wendy: No!

It was Stan

Stan: Wendy I can explain about this

To be continued...


End file.
